Wednesday, May 21, 2008

we're off!

Chris and I are headed to Vero Beach, Florida and then on to Orlando for silly fun at Universal Studios and such...we'll be back in just over a week from today. I'm excited to get away for a bit and feel the warm, well...I guess HOT, sun. This comes at the perfect time as I've just completed work for several weddings and am approaching a break. This has me contemplating my business and what I truly want with it. I've found that refining your vision every once in a while is necessary in making sure your business reflects what you truly love and want to be doing. That being said, I have several sets of letterpress plates in hand that are new...and over 5 new notecard designs that I will be working on upon our return. I'm excited about them since they are a departure from what I've been doing for my shop and I think they will start to provide some much needed variety. New flat notecards are on the way, but more new FOLDED notecards will be showing up as well. I have lots of ideas up my sleeve, so the next month will bring along lots of new reveals! I hope you will be as excited as I am! I wanted to thank everyone for their support regarding my last post. This has been quite a journey for me and I'm so glad I have people on my side rooting for us and sending their best wishes. It truly does make a big difference! I feel like I'm starting with a clean slate now as we move toward the unknown. I've made the choice to smile and be joyful. And remember that today is a gift, that's why we call it the present.

Monday, May 19, 2008

time to fly

Have you ever woken up one day and just felt different? Like the track you have been riding on what seems like forever suddenly disappears and you're on a new scenery, new backdrop, new location...yet the physical things around you stay the same? As my longtime readers know, I have struggled with my fertility and had 3 losses in the last year. The anniversary date of the first loss has just passed over the weekend and I didn't cry. It's amazing, but true. Because of that first experience of pregnancy, I have feverishly tried to replicate it every month since then. Yearning to have that feeling again. I felt it twice more, but lost it just as quickly. This deep seeded desperation had taken over my life as I scoured blogs and medical websites for answers. My daily life consumed with taking my temperature every morning and reading the "signs" just in case I need to go back to the doctor later for more evaluating. I've been consumed by grief as I try to get it back--trying to conceive that miracle I'd been blessed with for such a short time. I've come to realize that none of this helps--None of it. It is a counter productive use of my time and I get nothing from it but worry. I've decided that assuming I will need to go back to the doctor for evaluation doesn't help me. Taking my temps every day just puts out that negative feeling into the world that says "hey, this isn't going to work so I need months of data to bring to the doctor when too much time has passed." I'm going to remove all the blogs I have bookmarked that relate to infertility or pregnancy struggles. I'm to no longer scour medical websites. I will no longer take my temps each morning or look for signs. I will fill my life with affirmations of joy and positivity. The dark gray cloud that has been following me can take a hike now. I don't need you anymore. No, I'm not pregnant now. But. I WILL be a mother. I WILL have a healthy pregnancy. I WILL have a healthy child. That is all I need to know. I don't know when, but I know it will happen. It's time to tuck these spirits away, gently, and whisper "it is ok; you can go now. I will be ok without you. I will never forget you" And now, I can breathe.

Here is a song from Coldplay that I firmly identify with. It hits the nail on the head for how exactly I feel. Could he be singing to me? For me, this song speaks to the issues of losing my babies and the feelings of grief I've endured. It's such a gentle song and a lovely one. It's called "Fix You." You can listen to the full track here. Just be sure to hit the "play" button.

"Fix You"

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tagged again!

Jeff has tagged's hard to know what to write since I've been tagged a few times already. Hmm. Anyway, the game is to write 5 little-known things about myself. The challenge is to think of something interesting that doesn't bore the crap out of my small audience. So, I've decided to just write what comes to mind and it's probably boring so I will apologize now. I will try to make the stories as interesting as possible!
1. Since I was 6 I'd wanted to become an art teacher...up until I realized there were other careers that could be done with art. I then wanted to become an illustrator until I saw the competition out there and also decided I didn't have the attention span to focus on a piece for so long.
2. I love to listen to music from the 40s from an online radio station while I work. I find it is so chipper and tends toward being so innocent and happy. It just makes me happy and changes the atmosphere. I highly recommend trying it for a little while!
3. When I was 15 I had a crush on an older boy in my school. It took me weeks and weeks to get up the courage to ask him to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me. I called him on the phone (heart racing, palms sweating, mouth going dry) and I managed to croak out my request to speak with him. We'll call him "Frank" to protect identity. Well, "Frank" said "this is him." And I thought, oh boy, here we go. So I said it was me, and he seemed to light up with recognition and we made small talk. I finally mustered the courage to ask him to the dance and he started chuckling. Then he said "who is this?" And I said "Megan!" and he goes, "Megan SuchandSuch?" (as in, not MY last name) and I said "no!!!!" and he goes, "I think you have the wrong number; I'm 35 years old." He told me his FULL name and it turns out I had called the wrong number, but the guy happened to have the same first name and he knew someone named Megan. His voice even sounded correct. I wanted to die right there. I swear I wanted the Earth to swallow me whole. I hung up and burst into tears and was shaking like a leaf. I believe this has to be one of the most embarrassing things that could happen to a shy 15 year old girl.
4. When I was single and lived alone, I used to go out do dinner or to movies all by myself all the time. Usually, the waitstaff would look at me funny when I said "just me". I'd bring a book to look at and enjoy my meal. I would get glances from people at other tables that seemed to say "what a weird0" but I eventually got used to it. One time I was at the movies at a morning Sunday showing at a small independent theater. I think the movie was "The Pianist." Anyway, it was filled with elderly people from the small town I was in. A little woman was sitting with her husband behind me and she shouts "that girl's date must have stood her up!! the poor girl!". Of course, she meant to whisper, but you know how it is when the hard-of-hearing talk to each other. Her row continued to chat about me as if I couldn't hear them. I turned around and smiled and said "it's ok. I came alone today." And she goes to her husband "such a lovely girl too! That boy is really missing out!!" *sigh*
5. I dream to one day own a Queen Anne Victorian house (not haunted) that is fixed up or needs just a little fixing. But has a huge old attic and maybe a secret passage or room. As a kid I was obsessed with trying to discover a secret passage in our house. I guess the dream hasn't died. A favorite show of mine is on HGTV called "If Walls Could Talk." It features houses that have interesting things about them like secret rooms, passages, or hidden notes tucked in the attic. It's fun to listen to all the stories as people discover the history of the house they live in.

I'm not going to tag anyone else, but I hope you enjoyed my little stories. Be well!!

P.S. I eventually DID go to the dance with that boy, but not after he said "no" to me first since he'd wanted to go with someone else. Well, she turned him down so he went with me after all. It was fun and everything, but I learned that we weren't a match and my crush slowly died after that. I'm glad those days are over.

Thursday, May 08, 2008


I've been hard at work completing several wedding orders before my vacation happens in a few weeks. I printed a program in black ink the other day so I took advantage of the set up and created a new flat note design. I also created a smaller more subtle logo for the back of all my flat notecards going forward. Too bad I have a big inventory with the original logo that will have to run out first before printing new. I'll still be using the original on folded cards...the small logo will go on flat cards. You can get the new filigree notecard set here.
Have a great day!