Ugh. There is so much I want to do! Sometime I don't know how to fit it all in. I overwhelm myself with ideas until I am paralyzed and find myself wasting the day on television instead. I spent all last week working, working, working for a client in the city. It was a long commute and tiring. But I enjoyed the work. I just didn't enjoy getting home so late! Now, this week I don't forsee a whole lot of work. (of course that could change any second now with the ringing of the phone). Feast or famine is my life right now. I'm always either bogged down with so much to do, or light as a feather. I love it. I'm lucky. I'm going with it.
So, I make all these plans for what I want to do with this found time, and I get overwhelmed. I finally have the chance to spend time on all the things I daydreamed about (what I'd rather be doing if I were home) when I had a 8:30-5:00 job before. And I've got NUTHIN'. I realize I just have to decide what my biggest priority and interest is for the day and dive in. (I never WAS a diver...I always sort of hopped in the water butt-first...I have never done a dive before...hmmmmm). So today, I'm going to work on a painting. I started it at the beginning of June and haven't found ample time to touch it since. So, it's got the background filled in and that's it. I want to do a nice job since the intent is to hang it on our dining room wall once complete. So I guess that's my big goal for today...not to finish, but to continue on it. I also have lots of bookeeping and filing to catch up on for my business...and invoices to send out. Never the fun part but necessary if I want to be paid! Oh yeah! My other thought was wanting to fix some photos I took and upload them to my flickr page...see what I mean? I start coming up with plans and a whole host of new ideas swarm like bees around my head. I refuse to give in to my normal pattern of retreating to the couch...I must break that bad habit. I know I will be grateful to myself if I do. I feel like I'm normal. I just need to bite the bullet and see things through. And THAT is what is hard for me to do. I'm a starter, not a finisher. And I need to change it. I WANT to change it. Being creative and accomplishing art depends on some sort of follow-through. I need encouragement...I need strength.
I've got the inspiration, now I need the strength to be confident and FOLLOW-THROUGH.
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3 comments:
Try to be easy on yourself.
Overwhelmed spent a lot of time going through my mind-I am trying to change that inner dialogue and hopefully change my life.
You're right. It's the inner dialogue that makes all the difference with everything. I need to keep training it to work WITH me and FOR me and not against me. And it doesn't hurt in my case to do a little less thinking and a little more action sometimes. :)
Wow! It's nice to hear someone going through the same thing. At least we know it's happening! My goal is to pick one thing...no matter how small...and see it all the way through WITHOUT starting something else in the meantime. I think it will be hard, but I need to prove to myself that I can do it! I will jot any ideas I come up with in the meantime in my notebook and leave them there to ferment. I think the "idea swarm" is my brain's way of avoiding facing my work and being exposed in a vulnerable way...a defense mechanism of sorts. Good luck to you too!
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